Tuesday Mornings

Tuesday mornings are now 'me time'. Once Zoë is at school I take Caleb to his new preschool and then I have 3 hours to do what I want and need. Over the past few months I have been learning how important it is to look after myself as well as my family, and I have been inspired by this quote:

"Taking care of myself doesn't mean 'me first' it means 'me, too.'" L.R. Knost, Two Thousand Kisses A Day 

Some mornings I have gone out and done some shopping (so much easier without a 2.5 year old helper who has recently been potty trained and wants to investigate everything we see); next week I am off to the gym to see if there is anything I can use with my heart condition (eek!). 

Today I am curled up on the sofa with my hot orange squash, blanket, Christmas music and books; I need to have a look at the huge pile of books I want to read and plan what to read and when! So, onto my pile of books... I will always have multiple books on the go as I read different books at different times! But my Tuesday mornings are special times where I get to read for a longer chunk of time without interruption...

I am currently reading two books that would qualify for my Tuesday morning reading slot: Hands Free Mama by Rachel Stafford and Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission by Anna France-Williams and Joy French. But I need to read one, finish it and then move onto the next one... so I have decided to focus on Hands Free Mama which I started first. This is such a challenging book but I am excited to get back to it. (See my previous blog on #becshandsfreejourney) When I have finished it I will get back to Ordinary Mum, Extraordinary Mission.

Right, I'm off to read... See you later!

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In case you're interested the other books in the pile which are returning to the bookcase are:

• The one true story by Tim Chester - daily readings for advent from Genesis to Jesus
• Having a Martha home the Mary way by Sarah Mae - 31 day plan to get a new vision for your home
• Life Management for Busy Women by Elizabeth George - looking at making the most of time and living to God's plan
• A Woman After God's Own Heart by Elizabeth George - practical, scriptural insights on pursuing God's priorities in my life
• Everyday Talk by John A. Younts - ideas for talking freely and naturally about God with your children
• The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman - looking at how different people show and receive love

Flexibly organised

Looking back (very belatedly!)

The older I get, the more of parenting that I do, the more I realise that I need to be flexibly organised! As a stay at home mum (SAHM) it's easy for days and weeks to pass, and for me to look back and think 'what have I actually done?' Now, I know that the children are alive, dressed and fed, and the house is in a semblance of tidiness, and I have taken them to swimming, ballet and toddlers, as well as days out to the zoo and parks... But, it's nice to also have some key events that we can look back on!
A year ago I posted my plans and aims for 2015... Did I manage to keep them? Mostly, though moving house half-way through the year did bring disruption as we started new activities and found new places to play and explore. So, here's an update on my three 'plans':

Alphabetical 

We had planned to teach Zoë and Caleb Bible verses from each letter of the alphabet, but I didn't plan far enough ahead and soon this fizzled out. But they did learn 4 verses which is better than none!

Mummy Time

My daily Bible reading is still hugely sporadic and something I continually strive to improve on. As well as trying the 5 minute New Testament, I have also tried reading some books and using Explore notes (from The Good Book Company).
I have been working hard to finish A Mom After God's Own Heart and am very nearly there, with just the last few study questions to finish. It has been a great book to read and I have taken away so many encouragements in how to be the best mum that I can. I definitely recommend this book, plus the extra study book to any mum's reading this!!

A verse for the year

I love this habit of choosing a verse and then learning it throughout the year. I had 4 verses; one for each member of our family and they were written onto cut outs of our hands.

Looking forward

Family

2015 was a big year of change for us as a family and 2016 promises to continue to be full of change too... I'm pleased that although everything changes around me "Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever." We're involved in a new church (6 months after starting at this 'new' church), Steve is planning on changing his day off which will affect us all, and Zoë will be starting full time school in September. I want to make the most of the time that I have with her

We've been getting into a good Bible reading routine with Zoë and Caleb. Steve has been reading a verse from a Psalm each day and both children have been doing really well at remembering it. We also ask each other 'what do you want to thank God for today?'. This is always a special time as we share the highlights from our day.

Time with children 1-2-1

Me time (re-named from Mummy Time)

"Taking care of myself doesn't mean 'me first' it means 'me, too.'" L.R. Knost, Two Thousand Kisses A DayBooks
- Finish A Mom After God's Own Heart
- Hands Free Mama
Friday walk

Verses for the year

Grow #oneword365

We continually ask God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all the wisdom and understanding that the Spirit gives, so that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience, and giving joyful thanks to the Father,who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light. Colossians 1:9-12

#mymarathon

If I told you I was going to do a marathon I can just imagine some of the reactions that I'd get!! Since attempting to run jog walk the 10 mile Great South Run many years ago I have stayed clear of anything vaguely running related. That is except for running after very speedy children who are trying to escape! But I have now taken on a challenge to complete a marathon... How on earth are you going to do that I hear you ask? And why? Well, let me explain...

I am going to be doing the British Heart Foundation #mymarathon in May challenge. The great thing about this is that I can do it at my pace! So I will be walking 26.2 miles in April, which works out at roughly 7 miles a week. It will be a challenge, but one that I think is doable. Caleb will be with me for the whole walk, probably on my back or in a pushchair, but I'm hoping that Zoë will be able to walk a 1/2 marathon with me during the month.

Yes, I know I said April... I think I need to give you much more of the back story about why BHF and why April! Let's rewind just over 2 years...

Caleb Peter was born 2 weeks early by semi-elective caesarean at midday on Monday 17 February 2014 at the John Radcliffe hospital in Oxford surrounded by a large team of medical staff, including a cardiologist, three anaesthetists, a midwife, a surgeon, plus many others.

Early on in the pregnancy it became apparent that my heart was not coping with the strain of pregnancy and was in fact functioning at 50% of its capacity!  My condition was complicated by the fact that I had no symptoms and therefore my consultants were unable to predict how my body would cope with labour. Despite numerous appointments and tests my obstetrician and cardiologist struggled to decide on the safest way of delivery. Each time I saw one of them hoping for an answer the decision seemed to be delayed.


Decisions continued to be delayed as my test results and lack of symptoms were confusing. I had preferences for the birth, but I trusted my medical staff to make the best decision for me and the baby. In addition to deciding between a c-section (under general anaesthetic) and a short natural labour, they were also trying to decide which hospital would be best. The more confused the medical staff were, the more convinced we were of God's protection on me and our baby, and his total control of the situation.


The beginning of February 2014 brought more delays and lack of decisions. Finally on 12 February a decision was made: an elective c-section under general anaesthetic on 24 February at Stoke Mandeville (SMH). I felt very relieved and was able to start getting final prep done and arrange childcare for Zoë. And yet on 13 February that decision was revoked… my anaesthetist was not happy for me to stay at SMH and passed my care to the Silver Star unit at the John Radcliffe in Oxford.

We visited the John Radcliffe with bags packed on 14 February where they carried out a range of tests. They are experts in cardiac issue pregnancies so were not phased at all by me. They even have an obstetric-cardiologist who specialises in pregnant hearts, who is the most lovely doctor I have ever met! A new c-section date was arranged for 19 February under local anaesthetic so I was going to be awake for the birth which was a massive answer to prayer.

At 3am on Monday 17 February (whilst I was sleeping on a camp bed in Zoë’s hospital room where she'd been admitted with a severe UTI) Caleb decided to get things moving! Fortunately my mum had come to help so she was able to stay with Zoë at SMH whilst Steve and I went off to the JR. At midday, 9 hours after my waters broke, Caleb was born. During the c-section they were able to respond quickly and effectively when my heart reacted. Zoë was also discharged that afternoon and came over to visit us. At the time everything seemed to be happening at the worst possible time, but looking back we can see God's hand in so many aspects.


Caleb’s name was carefully chosen. The name is from the Bible and it’s written that Caleb “has a different spirit and follows [God] wholeheartedly”. Our physical hearts may fail (like mine did) but it’s more important that we follow God wholeheartedly.

Since Caleb’s birth two years ago I have undergone numerous tests including an echo, a 24 hour trace and an MRI. My heart function is still impaired and I am under the care of the cardiologists at the John Radcliffe hospital. (For those who are medically minded I have Left Bundle Branch Block and Dilated Cardiomyopathy with an Ejection Fraction of 30%!)

I am currently on the waiting list for a CRT-D device (pacemaker and defibrillator) and it is likely to happen in May or June, hence my decision to take on the #mymarathon challenge in April. The British Heart Foundation are at the forefront of heart related research and so I have decided to take part in their challenge. I'd love it if you could sponsor me and Zoë, and support the British Heart Foundation in their life changing research...

Thank you for reading!

My family

#becshandfreejourney

Facebook post from 20th February 2016

Back in August I planned to start ‪#‎becshandfreejourney‬ with the intention of 'putting down the phone, burning the to do list and letting go of perfection to grasp what really matters', but life got in the way and my book Hands Free Mama slowly descended down the pile of books to read... A couple of weeks ago I picked the book up again and was seriously challenged to 'put down the phone' and had decided to delete FB and other social media off my phone for a week. However, it seems as if God has other plans... My phone is broken and will not start, so I will be sending it off for repair and having a loan phone for a month. I have decided that this phone will be a basic phone (phone calls, texts and whatsapps) with nothing extra... I wanted to put my phone down and reconnect with my husband and children and I have been given the perfect opportunity!
Yesterday I felt bereft without my phone; today I have felt freed.‪#‎handsfreemama‬

Background

I am a reader. I love reading books, books of all sorts... But at the moment I am especially interested in parenting books. Not really the 'how to...' manual type of books, but more of the self-improvement 'how to be a better mother' books. Two books which I am reading at the moment are 'A Mom After God's Own Heart' and 'Hands Free Mama', both of which have been immensely challenging. More about a 'A Mom After God's Own Heart' later, but for now I want to mention 'Hands Free Mama'...

In the 4 years since having Zoë I have gone from having a basic phone which can make/take phone calls, send texts and take very basic photos, to an impressive smart phone which can do everything from phone calls to being a Kindle, from taking photos to surfing the web. And, like many other people, I have been sucked into the mentality that I need to be attached to this phone and the world inside it 24/7. But where has this left my husband and my children? I knew I needed to find a balance between simply living for the here and now, and using this amazing God-given technology which enables me to stay in touch with family and friends many miles away. 'Hands Free Mama' was recommended by a friend as a book which looks at finding balance, rather than total avoidance of technology. I have been reading it slowly and prayerfully over the past week or so and keep being rebuked and challenged for the way that I have had the balance wrong. One poem which really hit home is below:

Someone Has Noticed: The Inner Dialogue of A Child

It used to be what you greeted first thing in the morning.
Now you greet me.
You say, “Good morning!” and “How did you sleep?”
Your hands, no longer clinging to the device, are available to hug me, help me pour my cereal, and ruffle my hair.
Thank you for greeting me.

It used to be what you checked before bedtime.
Now you check me.
You make sure the covers are snug, the pages are turned, and the monsters are shooed away.
Your voice and your presence, no longer given to someone on a screen, remains on my skin as I drift off to sleep.
Thank you for checking me.

It used to be what you talked to for hours on end.
Now you talk to me.
You ask me about my dreams, my drawings, my latest jokes, and darkest fears.
With your eyes you listen, really listen, no longer summoned away by beeps and rings.
Thank you for talking to me.

It used to be what you held in your hand as you traveled room to room.
Now you hold me.
You hold me in your gaze, wrap me in your arms, and take my hand in yours.
Your hands are free … often leaving the devices behind … to cover me with love.
Thank you for holding me.

It used to be your favorite dinner companion, travel mate, and entertainer.
Now you seek me.
Your face beams at me through both your laughter and tears as I show you all the things I can do and all the things I know.
You say, “That other stuff can wait until later. Right now I am with you.”
Thank you for seeking me.

I used to think you couldn’t live without your electronic device.
But now I see there is something more important in your life.
It is me.
I am what you can’t imagine life without.
I am what you can’t bear to lose.
I am what holds your attention.
I am what illuminates your world.
You are choosing me.

And each time you do, I notice.
And my heart overflows with joy.
The phone is not so important anymore.
My childhood is not something you are willing to sacrifice.
Thank you for choosing me.

~Rachel Macy Stafford ©

So here is my public pledge as I start to change how I use my time...

The “Hands Free” Pledge

I’m going Hands Free.
I want to make memories, not to-do lists.
I want to feel the squeeze of my children’s arms, not the pressure of over-commitment.
I want to get lost in conversation with my spouse, not consumed by a sea of unimportant emails.
I want to be overwhelmed by sunsets that give me hope, not by extracurricular commitments that steal my joy.
I want the noise of my life to be a mixture of laughter and gratitude, not the intrusive buzz of cell phones and text messages.
I am letting go of distraction, disconnection, and perfection to live a life that simply, so very simply, consists of what really matters.
I’m going Hands Free.

I choose them! #handsfreemama